Blonde pictures, jokes and quotes

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How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a circle and tell her to go to the corner.

How did the blonde try to kill the bird? She threw it off a cliff.

Why can't blondes make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe.

So I asked a blonde, "Which is closer, Florida or the Sun?" She said, "The Sun, because I can look up and see it.

 Why can't a blonde dial 911? She can't find the eleven.
How come it takes so long to build a blonde snowman? Because you have to hollow out the head.
What did the blonde say when she saw the Cheerios box? "Omg, donut seeds!"
Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, 'It’s dark in here isn’t it?' The other replied, 'I don’t know; I can’t see.'

 What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? A thought.
Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said 'concentrate'.
Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? To see what was on the other side.

 How can you make a blonde go on the roof? Tell her that drinks are on the house.
Three blondes walk into a building. You'd think one of them would've seen it.
Why do blondes wear underwear? To keep their ankles warm.

 The other blonde replies, 'You are on the other side!'
How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in her ears.

 How do you keep a blonde busy for hours? Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
How can you tell when a brunette is actually a blonde who dyes her hair? When she trips over the cordless phone.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? I wonder if it's mine.

 What do you call a really smart blonde? A golden retriever.
What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common? You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

 Why were there bullet holes in the mirror? A blonde tried killing herself.
How did the blonde die while raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

 How did the blonde die drinking milk? The cow fell on her.
Two blondes are facing each other across a wide stream.
One yells to the other, 'How do you get to the other side?'

 How did the blonde die drinking milk? The cow fell on her.
What do a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

 Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks. The first one said, "Look, it's deer tracks." The second one said, "No, it's wolf tracks" and before the third one could answer, they got hit by a train.
What's a blondes idea of safe sex? Lock the car doors.

 Why did the blonde put water on her computer? To wash the Windows.
What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? Pregnant.
A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, It got cold so I turned off the fan.

 A blonde decided to paint a room. When her husband got home, he asked, 'Why are you wearing an Alaskan and a winter coat?' She replied, 'The can said for best results apply 2 coats.'
A man walks by a blonde, who is holding a pig. The man asks, "Where did you get her?" The pig answers, "I won her at the fair."

 Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.
I got a compliment on my driving today said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”.
Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet? Because she didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!!

 A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."
A blonde goes to the doctor's and find out she is pregnant with twins. She starts crying and the doctor asks her what's wrong. She replies, "I know who the dad is for one of them but I don't know who the dad is for the other one!"
Did you hear about the blonde that got excited? She finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months, when the box said, "two to four years."

 How do you drown a blonde in a submarine? Knock on the door.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.
Three blondes walk into a building. You'd think one of them would've seen it.....
Why did the blonde put her iPad in a blender? Because she wanted to make apple juice.
A brunette and blonde are walking in the park when the brunette says, "Aw, look at the dead birdie." The blonde looks up and says, "Where?"

 A blonde and brunette are living together. The brunette came home from work one day and the blonde had a rope around her waist. The brunette asked why she had a rope tied around her waist. The blonde answered that she was trying to commit suicide. The brunette said, "You're supposed to put the rope around your neck." The blonde replied, "I tried that but I couldn't breathe!"

 Two blondes walk beside each other down the street. One of them sees a broken piece of mirror on the ground, grabs it, looks at it and says, "This girl looks so familiar, but I can't remember where I know her from." The other girl grabs it from her hand, takes a look at it, and says, "It's me you idiot!"

 Four blondes are ordering a few rounds of drinks. Each time they get up, they toast and say, "14 weeks," then they down their drinks. The bartender finally asks the blondes, "What's the deal?" One blonde says, "Well, we bought a boxed puzzle. It said 'two to six years,' and we did it in 14 weeks!"

 A blonde, brunette and redhead were smoking cigarettes one afternoon. The blonde had Camels, redhead had Marlboros, and the brunette had Kools. It began to pour down raining, so the redhead and brunette both pull out condoms and put them on their cigarettes. The blonde asks, "What are you doing?" and they reply, "We're saving it for later." Impressed, and in a hurry, the blonde goes to the nearest store and asks for a condom. The clerk says "What size: small, medium, or large?" She answers, "I don't know, one to fit a camel?"

 I like to feel blonde all over. Marilyn Monroe

Blonde quotes

I'm blonde and tanned and normal-sized! I'm sweet, shy, funny, have a big heart and I'm nice - and I like to eat. Paris Hilton

I'm such a blonde. It just doesn't make sense for me to have dark hair. Jessica Simpson

It's great to be a blonde. With low expectations it's very easy to surprise people. Pamela Anderson

My real hair color is kind of a dark blonde. Now I just have mood hair. Julia Roberts

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for. W. C. Fields

It's great to be a blonde. With low expectations it's very easy to surprise people. Pamela Anderson

Picasso had his pink period and his blue period. I am in my blonde period right now. Hugh Hefner

The best part of being blonde is forgivable momentary lapses of common sense. Caity Lotz

If I'm feeling like a Barbie girl, I'm gonna throw that blonde wig on. It's just the mood. Blac Chyna

Going blonde is like buying yourself a light bulb! Heidi Klum

We've got 400,000 girls with beach-y blonde hair, the same nose, gigantic lips, implants in their cheeks, and little Chicklets for teeth. Are they really prettier? Sharon Stone

You didn't have to read 'Playboy,' visit the mansion, wear pajamas, or even be straight: The effects of its ideas about women on the American psyche were totalizing. Women were inferior to men because, for 'Playboy,' they were scenery - pretty, passive, usually white, often blonde, there. Wesley Morris

I'm 25. I'm a white, blonde girl in the entertainment industry - it's so easy to fall into a world of pleasing everyone. I feel more comfortable showing all these odd angles to myself. Brie Larson

When I have really blonde hair, I usually go for a more natural look, wearing way less makeup. Olivia Wilde

Nobody likes my hair blonde! Marissa Jaret Winokur

I wrote a novel called 'Blonde,' which is about Norma Jean Baker, who becomes Marilyn Monroe, which I called a fictitious biography. That uses the material as if it were myth - that Marilyn Monroe is like this mythical figure in our culture. Joyce Carol Oates

Tall, sandy blonde, with sort of blue eyes, skinny in places, fat in others. An average gal. Uma Thurman

I try to bring my mascara everywhere because I'm a blonde and you know blondes have really light eyelashes, you always wanna put more and more on 'til they look like spiders, that's just what I do. Julianne Hough

Arthur Miller wouldn't have married me if I had been nothing but a dumb blonde. Marilyn Monroe

People keep asking me if I am having more fun, being blonde, but I always have fun! Whether I'm blonde, redhead, or brunette! I always have fun. Kelly Clarkson

Being a Southern person and a blonde, it's not a good combination. Immediately, when people meet you, they think of you as not being smart. Reese Witherspoon

I was blessed with blonde hair and a baby face - well, I don't know if you'd call that blessed - I don't even remember when I started shaving. Clay Matthews III

My long, blonde hair has been my trademark ever since I started modelling in the Seventies, when I was scouted sunbathing in St Tropez. Jerry Hall

Dylan doesn't have to make Blonde On Blonde every time. Warren Zevon

I don't get jobs in films by auditioning. I'm not blonde. You can't place me in movies the way you can with certain actors. It's very difficult for my agents. Sandra Oh

It's not like I'm looking for a blonde or a brunette, light-skinned or dark-skinned. I feel like I give any girl a fighting chance. Ryan Lochte

I fed my yak on my spare Cadbury chocolate 21,0000ft up Everest. It was a blonde, very sweet female yak. I made it my pet after that. Brian Blessed

I do know that people treat me different with blonde hair than they do with red hair. Jessica Chastain

When I was a kid I had this funny blonde hair and everyone called me 'Chick' because I looked like Tweety Bird. Nicky Hilton

When I was blonde I was perceived as an innocent and sweet young girl. Samantha Mathis

I'm a dark blonde, yes. I dyed my hair blue, then black, when I was 14. I thought the colour was more flattering and matched my skin tone. I don't think I'd ever change back unless it was for a film. Eva Green

I remember, when I was ten, I wanted to look like Em. I had the bleached blonde hair. G-Eazy

The 1980s was the era of the blonde cheerleader. Winona Ryder

I'm a natural blonde, but I feel like a brunette. Olivia Wilde

I had kids make fun of me because not only was I blonde but also Polish. Joanna Krupa

I've got more junk in the trunk than most 5-foot-1 blonde girls, and I like it. Kristen Bell

Since I have fair skin, I have to stay out of the sun. I can't stand the sun. I dyed my hair red for a while during the 1990s but I'm actually a natural blonde. Nicole Kidman

I was devastated when I had to go blonde. Margot Robbie

I was never a dangerous woman. I'm not the prissy blonde woman that could take your husband away. Catherine Deneuve

I had a bunch of different hair colors. I was experimenting to see what I liked. It started off brown, then I did red, then I got really, really blonde! Leighton Meester

If I ever write a book, it will be called 'Bottle Blonde.' Mariella Frostrup

I didn't think I'd do movies in Los Angeles. I never thought it would happen. In fact, it was not a fantasy. For me, I said, 'If ever I go there, they will ask me to do 'Legally Blonde 5.' Denis Villeneuve

My hair has been this chapter thing for me. In 'Jem,' I have blue hair. 'Insidious,' it's pink. In 'CSI,' I have blonde. I love changing my hair. It's just hair and it grows all the time. Hayley Kiyoko

My mum is really fair and has blonde hair, and my dad is not dark, either. Amy Jackson


I'm naturally a mousy blonde, so I dye my hair, and my eyebrows would disappear if I didn't get through at least a pencil a month. Beth Ditto